> Instructions for Use
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> 
> These statements were found on actual products.  God help us...
> 
>    On hairdryer instructions
>    Do not use while sleeping.
> 
>    On a bag of Fritos:
>    You could be a winner!  No purchase necessary.
>    Details inside.
> 
>    On a bar of Dial soap:
>    Directions:  Use like regular soap.
> 
>    Frozen dinner that says:
>    Serving suggestion: Defrost.
> 
>    On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
>    Fits one head.
> 
>    On Tesco's Tirimisu dessert:
>    Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the
>    bottom of the box)
> 
>    On Marks & Spencer bread pudding:
>    Product will be hot after heating.
> 
>    On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
>    Do not iron clothes on body.
> 
>    On Boots' (pharmacy chain in the UK) children's
>    cough medicine: 
>    Do not drive car or operate machinery after use.
> 
>    On Nytol:
>    Warning: may cause drowsiness.
> 
>    On a Korean kitchen knife:
>    Warning: keep out of children.
> 
>    On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
>    For indoor or outdoor use only.
> 
>    On a Japanese food processor:
>    Not to be used for the other use.
> 
>    On Sainsbury's peanuts:
>    Warning: contains nuts.
> 
>    On an American Airlines packet of  nuts:
>    Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
> 
>    On a Swedish chainsaw:
>    Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. 
> 
> Top 17 Fatal Things
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> 
> The top 17 fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant:
> 
> 17. "I finished the Oreos."
> 
> 16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40
>        pounds."
>   
> 15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela
>        Lee had a baby..!!"  
> 
> 14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!" 
> 
> 13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
>   
> 12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit 
>        from that Richard Simmons fella."  
> 
> 11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's 
>         gotta hurt."  
> 
> 10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard 
>         Scott!"  
> 
>   9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?" 
> 
>   8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?" 
> 
>   7. "Get your *own* ice cream."  
> 
>   6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."  
> 
>   5. "Got milk ?"  
> 
>   4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."  
> 
>   3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"  
> 
>   2. "Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water..."  
> 
> And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant:
> 
>   1. "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger..."